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Let's face it, a good number of people find dealing with the classics tedious, bland, confusing, and sometimes just plain boring. Since we have such a love of the classics in every imagineable form we thought we'd take a refreshing approach to them, sort of "color" them up a bit! The classics according to our rather warped but well meaning minds. To celebrate them, if you will! Who knows, by the time we're *done*you may find yourself wanting to read or view them for the first time or wanting to just revisit them! It's our hope that you enjoy the site and take time to visit some the other entertaining and thought provoking sites linked here.



The Classics Decomposed

The Classics According to Ruin'dHens

"We know what we are but not what we may be"-- Hamlet

Under de(con)struction

Last Updated: 9 March 1998

May the masters have mercy on our souls.
May we have mercy on the masters!

May we all have mercy on the classics!

Classics Recomposed

 Travis Bickle is...Taxi Driver Hamlet

Bickle takes a bite out of crime, Ophelia, and Claudius P. Doleton. Yes, we're talkin' to you!

 Hold That Hamlet!
A new Martin and Lewis film! "Hey lady!"
No doubt there is something rotten in Denmark! As Gertrude yells: "Oye! FrankenHamlet! How many time's do I have to tell you to take out the garbage? I can't do it! I'm dead!"

Nestle DeWynter Lives!

 Nestle DeWynter
Major Announcement from The Classics Decomposed!
We have dedicated one of our precious pages containing many valuable bytes
to Nestle DeWynter, the Great Lost Thespian Heart throb!
Experience the joy of Nestle! The artistry of Nestle! The life of Nestle! It is your turn to worship at the altar of Nestle
 Oprah has a Book Club! So do we at the CD!
Check out some of our favorite books. Expand your horizons!

The 1997 Decomposed Awards! The Oscars? Who needs them? We have the Decomposed Awards! We have a statuette! We even have a host!



 The Bard meets Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat! 

If The Cat in the Hat were to meet Hamlet what would they possible have to say to one another? Dine on green eggs and ham in some small cafe outside of Elsinore, perhaps?












Raspootin's Cyber House of Fashion


What to wear? What to wear?

This question has vexed humankind since the first loin cloth! Let the world renown Ras, designer to the stars set you on the path on of painless fashion without losing weight, buying tons of unnecessary fashion magazine, and walking into boutiques trying on clothes simply designed for the stick figure types. No one ever wants to be a fashion disaster. Even William Shakespeare was mindful of the dreadful question! Bet even he wondered if Desdemona would be caught in plaid!\ Ahhh, what to wear? What to wear? Ras reveals his pick for Fashion YES of 1997!Be the first on your block to know who will set fashion trends from now to at least tomorrow!


Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the theatre!



Really Important Films


We like a great film just like all the others critics out there! Why we'll even review a film we haven't even seen!... In the words of Margo Channing
'Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride!'
Out of our way Siskel, Ebert, and Koch we've got some serious reviewing to do! Or something like that!


Okay, we know how it ends. We know the ship sinks, but does the film float? Is Titanic destined for glory on the big screen. Click on the nifty picture and find out!




Anthony Minghella's
THE ENGLISH PATIENT to many film-goers
is the ultimate in romance! What?
Haven't you seen it yet? What!
Not even once?
We don't know how to
tell you this
but even Seinfeld's Elaine's
got an opinion on TEP!

Trust us! You don't have to
like it and you don't even have be
a fan of Ralph Fiennes! For heaven's
sake how could you miss the Oscar
winning best film of 1996?

Maybe before or after you see
the film you might even want to
pick up a copy of Michael Ondaajte's
novel The English Patient!
Ondaatje's writing is like
a water color in the making!




The Wings of The Dove


The Wings of the Dove adapted from Henry James' novel is a feast for the eyes.

Oscar and Lucinda

Love is in the air! "Oscar and Lucinda" is Gillian Armstrong's film adaptation of Peter Carey's Booker prize winning novel.
Click on the picture and go to RIF magazine for a review of the film.

Untitled Document


Ivanov: Adventures in "A"Row
(The Review)
(Pronounced for the English or Russian challenged, in other words, for those whose first language is American, it's pronounced"EE-VON-AWHV"!)
You've read the reviews of the leading and oh so leading British critics, now read a review by an American who doesn't know one of the British reviewers personally, but has warmed the hearts of close friends, family, and the I.R.S..
Find out just how much fun it is to have "A" row seats (fondly referred to as "the spitting range row")and watch articles of clothing fly off the actors in the throngs of passion, sit next to a rather tired and loud snoring Englishman, and enjoying cozy theatre going at it's best at David Hare's and under the direction of Jonathan Kent. Find out this and more as we take you on an adventure to London and the Almeida Theatre.
After you read the review you can browse through a selection of books by Anton Chekhov (1860-1904) the dapper fellow in the picture.

The Almeida Theatre Company The Almeida Theatre Company has managed to delight both crowds and critics alike. (Imagine that!) It's a wonderfully quaint theatre in the Islington session of London and houses internationally reknowned British actors such as: Alan Rickman (Emmy winner for HBO Rasputin), Ralph Fiennes (let the drooling commence), Dame Diana Rigg (the original Mrs. Peel). To find out more about the Almeida we highly recommend visiting their website! You'll surprised by the impact this theatre company is having on British theatre going! Also, because I love it!

...But Seriously!

Other sites with a more serious tone on literature and theatre

What you see below is a link to a book. Click on the title or the picture and you can buy the book! Read on to find out how and why!
The Wings of the Dove

The books are coming! The books are coming! Infact some of them are already here! In our continuing effort to bring you the best in the written word we have become an associate. You will now see books listed on our pages. Books you can buy! Books to own and cherish and buy bookcases for!
Here's what is means to be an Amazon associate: is pleased to have The Classics Decomposed in the family of associates. We've agreed to ship books and provide customer service for orders we receive through special links on The Classics Decomposed. associates list selected books in an editorial context that helps you choose the right books. We encourage you to visit The Classics Decomposed often to see what new books they've selected for you. Thank you for shopping with an associate.
Ruin'dHens (the powers that be behind The Classics Decomposed)

The Hamlet Homepage. This wonderful site offers just about everything you need to know about Hamlet and then some. Why there's even Prince Charles' interpetation of the"To be or not to be..." speech! (He should know!) Those words must surely haunt him a lot lately. Will he be or won't he be? That is the question!

UK Theatre WebAt this site you can find out what's onstage at theatres in the U.K.!

Michael Ondaatje Booker Award winning author of the English Patient, this site gives you information author and the recently released film version.

Heavenly's is the place for reviews and information about the theater

Sites to play in when you're done playing here!

Ruin's Bruins
What do bears have to do with literature? Chekhov wrote a play called The Bear. Bears have been known to be so enchanted by literature that they rarely return their library books. So, let your hair down and go see some bears, the stuffed mohair breed, that is.
It's Rafe Actually Mr. Fiennes is the 1995 Tony Award winner for Hamlet. This page is not for the faint of heart or those with low tolerance levels for fan pages!

Since we seem to have a thing for Hamlet we thought we'd throw in Kenneth Branagh's A Midwinter's Tale. Since Hamlet seems to be a *bug" of Mr. Branagh's, what better way of setting the public up for the next chilling(?) film adaptation of Hamlet? This site offers a synopsis of the very humourous film that opened this year's Sundance Film Festival!

You can Ruin'dHens at the following addresses:

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